Monday, January 30, 2012

100 Things That Make Me Happy

This was another idea stolen from katie at Runs for Cookies. I'm so glad I did it. I've been pretty stressed out and upset lately with how certain things are going in my life. Mainly the effects of other peoples actions on me. I'm really bad about letting things that I can't control get to me. This list helped me get into a better mind set. I hope you'll make a list too.

These are NOT in order of what's most important (well the first three are) because I just wrote them down as they popped into my head. Didn't take very long.

1. Jacob \
2. Nathan ) My kids...I had to give them each their own space. : )
3. Isabel /
4. Pajama pants
5. Ice cream
6. HOT showers
7. Taking pictures
8. Filing paperwork Not my own : )
9. Counting money
10. Babies onesies
11. Movies
12. Book club
13. Ashley & Reese
14. Kari
15. Hardcover books Everything about them...the cover art, the pages, the smell...I love turning pages...DOWN WITH E-READERS!!!
16. Daydreaming
18. Staying up late
19. The smell of the seasons
20. 80's music
21. My kids telling me "I love you Momma" randomly throughout the day
22. Jacob telling me "Momma, your pretty."
23. Isabel's cooing
24. Nursing my babies Isabel is the only one nursing right now...just to be clear. ; )
25. A cloudless sky
26. Rainbows
27. Hot celebrity men
28. When my husband laughs at my jokes This rarely happens
29. My Grandpa
30. Spending time with my extended family
31. Giving gifts
32. Saving money by using coupons
33. Swimming
34. Dancing
35. Singing
36. Typing
37. Keeping memorabilia Read: Holds onto ANYTHING that I feel holds sentimental value.
38. When the kids are getting along
39. The silly things kids say
40. Going into book stores
41. Twilight ...and I don't mean the time of day. ; )
42. March of Dimes
43. Animals
44. Flowering trees Especially pink ones
45. Fall leaves
46. When Jacob dances
47. When Nathan sings
48. When the kids recite movie lines
49. My children's eyes They all have VERY blue sparkly eyes
50. Making my husband "fly away" Explanation: I'll flap his ear with my finger and he'll pretend like its making him fly away. Silly I know, but I think it's funny
51. Telling David to say the word commercial because he says it funny
52. Funny commercials
53. Kids 2 piece fitted p.j.'s
54. Finding a great sale
55. Going to a midnight movie premiere
56. Talking with friends
57. People magazine
58. Kissing big baby cheeks
59. Taking videos of my kids
60. Waterfalls
61. How the sky looks as the sun sets
62. Seeing a baby who walks really young They look so adorable toddling around
63. Taking a nap
64. Completing a task
65. Roller coasters
66. Smelling my kids hair
67. Putting stuff together Example: A crib or bookshelf that needs to be assembled
68. Throwing birthday parties
69. Water balloon fights
70. Surprising people
71. Baby animals
72. Being an aunt
73. Chewing gum
74. The color blue
75. A full moon on a clear night
76. Wrapping a square/rectangular shaped gift
77. Star gazing
78. Crime solving shows CSI (the original Las Vegas) and CRIMINAL MINDS I love you Spencer Reid
79. Uplifting Christian music Michael W. Smith, Third Day, Casting Crowns, Mercy Me
80. Cooking a new recipe
81. Coca-Cola Classic I've always been a Coke person, but during my first pregnancy I CRAVED it bad, and now its like a drug for me whenever I have it
82. Feeling my baby kick in the womb
83. Saying my birth date 3/3/83
84. Robert Pattinson Need I say more?
85. Veggie Tales
86. Looking at houses for sale
87. Craft stores
88. When people tell me how cute my kids are
89. An undisturbed snowy yard/field
90. Being at my Grandpa's house
91. 80's movies
92. That I can count on my friend Kristin to do any fun thing with me on short notice NKOTBSB Concert last summer and Nickelback this coming April...can't wait!
93. Full book shelves
94. Psychology
95. Being a mother
96. That I get to stay home with my kids
97. A clean house I rarely have one, so that's probably why it makes me so happy when I do have one : )
98. facebook
99. Making plans
100. The smell of burning leaves

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Weigh In and 30 x 30 List

My weight today was the same as last Sunday...239 lbs. I know exactly why so I can't get discouraged. I had my 'free' day on Friday instead of Sunday so I messed myself up for the weigh in. I anticipate to lose two pounds over this next week. : )

So, I stole an awesome idea from Katie at Runs for Cookies (she's going to think I'm a stalker soon). She has a list of thirty things that she wants to accomplish in her 30th year of life. She also did a 30 x 30 list of things to accomplish by her 30th birthday. Since I'll be 29 in March I thought the 30 x 30 list idea was great. (Stay tuned for another 'list' idea I stole from Katie)

Without any further's my list of 30 things to accomplish by my 30th no particular order.

1. Lose 100 pounds. 10 20
2. Run a 5K
3. Pay off a credit card
4. Close a credit card ; )
5. Buy a house
6. Read 20 books *COMPLETELY*
    1. The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
    2. Little Bee by Chris Cleave
    3. The Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf
    4. Before Ever After by Samantha Sotto
    5. Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
    6. Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James 
    7. Girls In White Dresses by Jennifer Close
    8. World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks
    9. A Stolen Life: A Memoir by Jaycee Dugard
  10. Never Let me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
  11. Let The Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist
  12. Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks
7. Finish Jacob's baby scrapbook He turned 5 on April 6th and I've only completed up to three months old.
8. See a waterfall I've seen Niagara Falls and Tahquamenon Falls, but I'd love to see more!
9. Find a new church
10. Go to or host a wine tasting My sister Ashley and I had a horrible experience with a red wine and I want to remedy that.
11. Go to a beer festival I'm not a big beer drinker, but I haven't tried many either.
12. Go on 12 *kid free* date nights with David 1  2  3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13. Get more organized
14. Go to Cedar Point and be able to ride the roller coasters. The last time I went was in 2010 and I had already gained back some of the 40 lbs. I lost. I almost couldn't buckle the seat belt on my favorite coaster, the millennium force, and I don't mean it was just a little tough. I mean I repeatedly struggled with it.
15. Take my kids to the Flint Children's Museum This may not seem like something that should be on this list, but I've been meaning to take them for about two years.
16. Sell some crocheted and/or knitted items
17. Walk in the 10 mile Crim
18. Study the Bible
19. Visit family more
20. Pay a strangers bill
21. Go on a road trip and visit a state I've never been to I put these together for two reasons. 1) I wouldn't be able to afford to fly anywhere and 2) I wouldn't WANT to fly anywhere. So it would have to be a road trip.
22. Learn a new skill
23. Kick a bad habit
24. Plant a garden I've been wanting to do this for a couple years but we haven't had anywhere to plant one where we live now, so once we get our house I'll be able to.
25. Wear a bathing suit
26. Visit a museum
27. Get a new Nikon camera
28. Save $2,000
29. Decorate my house I am horrible about interior decorating....just because I never do it.
30. Stick to a budget

I hope my list inspires you to do the same. Thanks to Katie for the idea! : )

Saturday, January 28, 2012


Last night I hosted an Arbonne party for my friend Kari. She just recently started selling it. Think Avon or Mary Kay, but much better products...all chemicals!

We had lots of yummy food, as I said in my earlier post today. We all did mini facials and foot soaks. So relaxing and the party was so much fun! My guests purchased enough for me to get $100 worth of products for just $20! I can't wait to try their Firming Body Cream, I've heard ladies rave about how its making their stretch marks much less noticeable!

I'm even thinking about selling it myself, but I really need to check out the company and their products first. I'm liking what I've seen so far. However, with our lease up at the end of April, we are pretty busy with trying to find a new house! : ) I wouldn't be able to concentrate on throwing parties right now, but my interest is definitely peaked. It would be nice to have a way to make a little extra money for our family.

I did AWESOME today with calorie counting and staying within my limits. Even tried a new recipe for dinner...completely homemade whole wheat crust crust recipe courtesy of Katie over at Runs for Cookies. It was delicious, but I need to make sure I spray the pan with non-stick cooking spray or line the pan with the non-stick Reynolds wrap next time.

I don't think I pulled an impressive weight loss number this week, but I'm expecting to be down at least a pound for my challenge weigh in tomorrow. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. I'm glad I'm feeling better about my weight loss experience today. Thanks Melisse for your comment on my earlier post. I really appreciate it.

Not a Happy Post

As was, in my opinion, inevitable. I am not feeling so great about my weight loss experience right now, but that's probably because I didn't really track my calories yesterday. I hosted an Arbonne party for my good friend Kari last night and there were lots of yummy foods! I purposely (actually I didn't mean to NOT eat lunch) restricted my calories so that I had a lot for the party. However, I didn't count how many calories were in the things I ate at the party. Some of the things were baked and store made goods that don't have the nutritional info listed on the package. My weigh in for the weight loss challenge is tomorrow...and I was too scared to step on the scale this morning. Especially after only getting three hours of sleep last night.

While I do feel like complete shit about it right now, I have not lost my drive to keep moving forward (the Disney movie Meet the Robinson's just flashed through my head). I lost 8 pounds in just 2 weeks and that was my first 'mini' goal met! I'm proud of that and am confident that I can still meet my next 'mini' goal of losing a total of 10 pounds by February 8th (I started this journey on Jan. 8th).

I plan to post again later about the party itself, so check back for that. : )

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Is it worth it?

I really need to start asking myself this before I eat something "extra" or high in calories.

I went to my Grandfather's house yesterday to help him out with a few things. He has recently been declared "legally blind" and can't read small print, so I go over and help him go through his mail and set up his pills for the week. Anyways, the boys weren't really hungry before I had to take Jacob to preschool and head to my Grandpa's house. I did eat at home, but it wasn't a 'satisfying' lunch (I DESPERATELY need to go grocery shopping). By the time I left my Grandpa's house I was starving so I was sure Nathan was hungry and Jacob would be too when I picked him up. So I stopped at McDonald's. I know, I know HORRIBLE...BUT it wasn't a 'normal' trip to McDonald's, which would've been two chicken nugget kids meals (apples and apple juice...a little better at least), would vary for me...but worst case scenario would've been a Big Mac value meal with coke AND a medium caramel frappe (LOVE those) plus I would've used the kids chicken nugget sauce to dip my fries. This time, I got two four piece chicken nuggets, two apple juices, a grilled chicken snack wrap with no sauce, and a bottled water. I was proud of myself AFTER I pulled away with my stuff...why then you ask...because the whole time I was in line I was thinking "I'm so much hungrier than what I ordered...maybe I'll add something when I get to the window", BUT I DIDN'T!

When I got home I looked up the calorie content of that snack wrap. I was SO sure that it was only 166 calories, not sure how I got that exact number, but I know I use to get them quite often when I lost my 40 lbs. a couple years ago, and that's what I thought I remembered they was 260 calories!!! Granted, that is with the sauce on it which I didn't have, but I'm sure the sauce wasn't 100 calories. Still not that bad but more than I was expecting.

I'm not sure what my deal was, but I was 'starving' before every meal yesterday and I ended up have two helpings of dinner, which was chicken (left over from dinner the night before) and gravy over egg noodles. I really do need to go grocery shopping, I'm having to get creative with whatever we have left in the house. I should have made a vegetable to have along side that I could have filled up on, but I didn't even think about it. Jacob had a dentist appointment at 5:50pm, so as soon as my husband got home we left for that. We all went along so that I could take Nathan back to watch Jacob get his teeth cleaned, but I wanted David there so that when (it was inevitable) Nathan got restless and didn't want to sit still and watch anymore he could take him back out to the car. So by the time we got home I had to get dinner together quickly and didn't think about making a vegetable side.

I don't think either of these 'slip ups' will result in any major changes on the scale this week, but I'm actually glad that I'm making them a big deal. It means I'm really thinking about what I'm eating and how it effects me. I just need to start asking myself if whatever the food is, is worth it. Is it going to make me feel guilty and am I going to obsess over it afterwards? I don't want to do that to myself, because that just triggers more bad eating.

Three more full days until my next weigh in, I'm hoping to lose two more pounds this week to make it a total of 10 pounds lost in three weeks! Wish me luck. : )

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Temptation struck!

Yesterday I decided to make a whole chicken for dinner...which was sitting in our chest freezer completely frozen! I wanted to know the fastest way to thaw it, so I Googled it of course! I had decided to make it at about 2:00pm and David gets home from work around 5:30pm. Turns out I knew the fastest safest way to thaw letting it sit in cold water...but that would still take WAY TOO long. However, in my Google search I found that it is perfectly acceptable to cook a whole chicken (or any other meat) from frozen!!! This was enlightening for me! Now, I was concerned about a couple things. First, how was I going to get the neck and gizzards out of the inside when the thing was frozen solid, and secondly, won't it be dry from having to cook so much longer (every site that mentioned cooking from frozen said it would take about 50% longer to reach fully cooked temperature)? Even still, I rinsed the 6 lb. chicken under the faucet, sprinkled with kosher salt and pepper and put some slices of butter (this is where the temptation started) on top before starting the 4 HOUR cooking process. Yep, it actually took twice as long to cook.

Before I get to the 'temptation' just let me say that I was, after about two hours of cooking, finally able to use some tongs to get the gizzards out and it was dry, not horribly dry, but still dry. I don't recommend cooking from ice block...but in a pinch, when you 're as scatter brained as me, it'll work.

Ok, now to the temptation, which the butter triggered! I usually use margarine for my 'buttery' spread...but every now and then I'll want REAL butter, and I usually don't go light on it when I do. About an hour after I started cooking the chicken I noticed that I had left the remainder of the stick of butter I had used on the kitchen counter. It had gotten soft...soft enough to spread on something...something like a blueberry bagel...which just happened to be in the fridge! Now, this was kind of an odd thought because I NEVER have butter on my bagel, ALWAYS cream cheese. I guess I was envisioning it tasting like a blueberry muffin, who knows. All I know is that I WANTED IT NOW! I had gone pretty light on the calories for breakfast and lunch so I was confident that I could fit the bagel in without going much over my daily range, but I knew that if I smothered it in butter I was, I don't even like butter on a bagel! So I toasted the bagel and took a very small amount of the softened butter and put it on a bite size portion of the bagel and it wasn't the orgasmic experience I was thinking it would be and I was able to put the butter away! I then got out the cream cheese, and used only half a serving (I would normally slather the cream cheese on about as thick as the bagel itself) on the whole bagel AND gave a quarter of it to my son. I thought I handled this temptation pretty well. It was the first bad one since I started changing my eating habits a little over 2 weeks ago and I was pleasantly surprised with myself. : ) Yes, I did go ahead and have that food that wasn't in my 'plan', but I was conscious of how it would effect my calories and didn't just chow down. It's a step in the right direction!

Monday, January 23, 2012

I realized something...

...I met my first mini goal!!! I wanted to lose 8 pounds by the end of January and I have lost 8 pounds as of yesterday! : ) I bet I might even hit 10 pounds before the month is over, but if I do, that's just an added bonus.

Since I'm talking goals I think I'll post some of the goals I've set.

Lose 10 pounds in the month of February
Lose 10 pounds in the month of March...and so on
Lose 100 pounds by November 8, 2012
Reach my goal weight of 130 lbs. by March 3, 30th birthday!

I will be adding more goals, namely physical exercise goals, but to be completely honest, even the thought of committing to something like...running a 5k...stresses me out, and when I stress out, I want to eat. So for now, I'm just going to stay focused on the calorie counting and making healthier food choices.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


I'm down another THREE pounds!!! Which takes me out of the 240's!!! I now sit at 239 and gonna keep going down baby...yeah!!!

I'm feeling really good about my weight loss right now! I know that could change in the blink of an eye, or more appropriately with the numerical change of the scale, but for RIGHT NOW I'm feeling like no one and nothing can stop me from losing this weight that holds me down.

I did get discouraged this morning because David (husband) and I were discussing how to work out our two boys going swimming at the local rec center. Their Grammy (they have 3 different grandma's so we had to be creative) wanted to take them, but she's also taking another grandchild with her and can't watch them all in the water by herself. David wanted to go ice fishing with his Dad and have ME (the WHALE) go to the pool!!! HA HA I am NOT getting in a bathing suit (I don't have one my size anyways) or even in shorts and a shirt and getting in the water. I can just see in now, I plop in and the pool overflows. Now, I obviously know that this won't happen, I'm being dramatic, but there is NO WAY I'm going to a pool right now, and that made me sad, because I LOVE to swim, always have! I want to be able to take my kids swimming at a pool or the beach or where ever and not have to worry so much about what I look like. With the way my weight is going right now though, I'm hoping that I'll be about 50 lbs. down by summer and I'll at least be comfortable enough to put on shorts and a shirt to swim in.
So, for today, my husband has to forgo ice fishing to take our boys swimming. Now, don't feel too sorry for him, he got to go out with his guy friends last night. They had their first Beer Club! Our friend Nick was feeling left out because I started a Book Club which his wife, and my very good friend Kari joined, so he felt the need to make up his own club...and then drag David into it. The premise sounds good...choose a 'theme' for the meeting and have a couple of the members supply two or three different brands of beer within that theme, taste test, and discuss. Is that want happened??? NO! Four guys were told to just bring their favorite kind (which could be the theme..."favorites") but then some of the other guys who were just suppose to bring food, brought their favorite kind of beer in case they didn't like what was brought! lol So, it pretty much turned into a regular guys drinking party. Whatever floats their boat I guess, but don't try to disguise it as a 'grown up' beer tasting if its just going to be a drinking party!

My sister Ashley came over with my niece last night to hang out with me while David was at his beer club meeting. She brought over the new cake decorating kit she just bought. Ashley LOVES to bake (and cook) and she's REALLY good at it too. However, I found out that I'm not bad at piping out some icing words myself. *pants self on back* Maybe we'll go into business together one day! We were also oogling over HOT celebrity men on line, but who doesn't! ; )

I don't have any pictures to share of my icing accomplishments but I do want to share more pictures. It makes posts so much more interesting and makes you feel more connected. So I suppose I could share some photos of the hot celebrity men we were looking at, you know, just to make you feel more connected. ; )

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Tomorrow is Weigh In Day

I'm co-leader/participant of a weight loss challenge for a private group on facebook called WILMAS...Wish I'd Lose My Ass Soon...silly I know, but they're a great bunch of ladies that were pregnant right along with me for my daughter Isabel on a message board at We were all part of the same "due date club" and although I ended up having Isabel May 20th instead of around her due date which was June 26th I stayed with that group.

There were about a dozen of us who wanted to have some incentive and support to get back in shape (or just get in shape period, for me) after having our babies so another group member and I started a 12 week weight loss challenge. I wasn't really sure if I was going to participate at the start. I just wasn't feeling like having to TRY, to be completely honest. Even though it's been 8 months since I've gone from a mother of two to a mother of three, I'm still trying to get into a groove. I'm convinced this is never going to happen and I'm going to RUN...through the rest of their childhood like a chicken with my head cut off. Will someone please tell me how children who are sleeping KNOW the minute you lay in bed and get comfortable??? Or why, when I finally get a little motivation to clean up something or do laundry, they are STARVING or wanting to be held??? OR (one more...stick with me) why, the moment I get on an important phone call they all flock around me and start yelling, screaming, and whining??? Ugh Well, now you can tell that I have quite a bit of stress to conquer as well, which doesn't help with the weight loss. By the way, I LOVE my kids more than anything in this world and wouldn't trade being a mother for ANYTHING. You mommies out there know how it is. You love your kids to the ends of the earth and beyond...but some days you just want to leave them on a clearance shelf at the store. ; )
So, back to the point of this post. Even though I wasn't really feeling it, I decided to join the 12 week challenge. I know I need to do something to get this weight off and I figured, for me, a challenge would be the best way to jump start it. I like to win (who doesn't) so I knew if I participated I was much more likely to get serious about losing this weight. I cringed when I saw that I was one of the biggest participating in the challenge and when I saw the starting weights of most of the other ladies I kept saying to myself "I wish I weighed THAT amount!"
Tomorrow is the end of the second week of the challenge and will be our second weigh in. I'm on course to lose about 2 lbs. I lost 5 lbs. the first week, but I WAY overdid my 'free' day and was then visited by Aunt Flow, so I'll be happy to see any loss this week.

Tomorrow is also suppose to be my 'free' day. A day where I don't count calories and eat things that I haven't been allowing myself. However, I need to scale back a little this week. Wish me luck!

Taking a queue from Katie at Runs For Cookies I'll ask you guys a question.

Do any of you give yourselves a 'free' day? Why or why not? I'm starting to think that its a bad idea, for me anyways.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

This WAS Me

Hi there, I'm Erin. I'm a 29 year old wife and mother of three young children...and I'm REALLY overweight. I guess professionals would call me "obese", but I HATE that word, it makes me sound gross and I don't feel gross. I know I look gross, but I don't feel gross.

I don't feel like I'm 242 pounds. When I say feel I mean that I don't mentally feel like I'm OBESE, but when I look in the mirror I can see that I'm OBESE. When I try to sit on the floor with my kids, or get up off the floor (even harder than getting down on the floor) I can feel that I'm VERY overweight. I'm AT LEAST 100 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT!?! How did this happen!? I ask myself this question all of the time, but I know how it happened...I ATE TOO MUCH!!! I LOVE FOOD!!! Food makes me feel happy, relaxed, content, satisfied. So really, food is my drug. Truly it is...but I'm not going to say something like "I can't help it, I have a disease." For me, that would be a cop out, an EXCUSE, and I REFUSE to let myself think that there's nothing I can do. I will NOT let food rule over my life anymore!!! That's God's job and I am determined to, with God's guidance, lose this excess (nice way to say it...obscene or grotesque came to mind as well) amount of weight that is LITERALLY holding me down.

I ALWAYS thought I needed to lose weight, even when I was 130 lbs. and wearing a size 8. I was 18 years old at the time and if I had known then what I would weigh 10 years later...I would've flaunted that bod like nobody's business. Not really, not my style, but you catch my drift. I started welcoming more weight onto my body after moving in with my then boyfriend, now husband David. I was barely 20, and able to go to the grocery store and buy whatever I wanted with MY own money! How AWESOME, right? WRONG...I did buy whatever I wanted, and most of it wasn't healthy. By the time David and I got married in August 2004 I was weighing in at about 170 lbs. I even had to exchange my wedding dress for the next size up, from a 14 to a 16. Now, I was wearing a 12 at the time I bought my dress, but as many of you ladies know, dresses can run small. Not very nice dress designers...we're buying a dress for the single most important day in our lives to look our best and skinniest and you decide to make the dresses run SMALL so we have to buy a size or two bigger than what we are?! Doesn't make any sense...if anything, they should run BIG! Anyways, after we got married I welcomed even more weight, "Hello 5 lbs., oh, you need a place to stay? Sure, come on can stay on my ASS!" I had several "house" guests come stay. They took up residence in my thighs, stomach, arms, and chin...I even had to add an addition to my chin to accommodate all the extra weight.

So when I got pregnant with my first child in July of 2006 I was sitting at 195 lbs. I gained about 40 lbs. during my first pregnancy. When Jacob was born I did lose 8 lbs. 6 oz. right away, but then I was only able to lose 26 lbs. in the 9 months after I had Jacob and got pregnant with Nathan. I was on track to gain even more than I had in my pregnancy with Jacob, but Nathan decided he had had enough of living with my fat and evicted himself almost 10 weeks early. I dropped about 15 lbs. after delivering him (only 3 lbs. 14 oz. of which were from Nathan himself), which was great, but Nathan had to stay in a hospital NICU about an hour away from our home for a little over 5 weeks before he was able to come home to us. There was A LOT of eating fast food...and LOTS of COLD STONE ice cream!!! Yum...they were right near the hospital that Nathan was staying at. Thanks to all that junk I gained that 15 lbs. back before Nathan even came home, and there I 238 lbs...not budging at all. I had quite a bit of stress in my life then. Adjusting to two children, deciding to short sale our home that we had outgrown MAJORLY, moving in with my Grandfather after selling our home and having all our stuff squished into one narrow living room for 8 months, and all of this caused a lot of stress on David's and my relationship.

Then in August 2009 I became pregnant for a third time. However, just a couple of days shy of reaching the 12 week mark I had a miscarriage due to a blighted ovum. 'What the heck is that?' you ask? I didn't know either...its when a fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall but an embryo never develops. Cells form the embryonic sac, but no embryo. I tried to take comfort in the fact that I had not lost a baby, but it was still hard. I had lost the thought of that baby. Somehow, that experience gave me the motivation to start to lose my excess weight.

I changed how and what I ate. I counted calories, drank TONS of water, ate every 4 hours, and made healthier food choices. Within four months I had dropped 40 pounds and had just made it below the 200 pound barrier! I was feeling really good, but then I hit a plateau, which really was my own fault. I was helping my Mom find a new apartment and whenever we're together we like to have fun, and "fun" always consists of getting very yummy (not so good for you) food. I had pizza and other high calorie things for the couple of days that we were apartment hunting. I then, of course, didn't lose any weight for awhile. I quickly went back to the healthy eating but the damage had been done and my weight didn't budge for over a month. My motivation went out the window and I fell off the wagon. I went back to my old eating habits and started packing the pounds back on.

By the time I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Isabel in October of 2010, ironically on the very day I had miscarried one year earlier, I had put almost 20 pounds of that 40 pound loss back on and was the heaviest I had ever been at the start of a pregnancy. I was terrified that I was going to gain a TON while pregnant and that I would reach my highest weight ever! I tried to watch how much I ate and what I ate, but mostly how much I ate. I was put on bed rest at 26 weeks because of frequent contractions, which is NOT easy at all when you have two kids under 4 and people around you who don't understand the definition of BED REST! Even with these challenges Isabel made it to 35 weeks before she decided she had had enough of my womb. On the day she was born I weighed 245 pounds, the most I've ever weighed. Today I weigh 241 pounds...and this is after my first two weeks of calorie counting...I was 247 pounds. So what I lost after having Isabel, about 10-15 pounds (I can't even remember how much I lost because I put it back on so fast), came right back plus a few.

So here I am, trying desperately to lose enough weight to equal a petite woman, or almost an entire husband. *My husband weighs 127 pounds...and has stayed within 5 pounds of what he's weighed since he was in high school! Makes me sick!* If you haven't fallen asleep or given up reading this post yet, maybe you'd like to stick around with me and hear me whine and complain while I navigate this weight loss road. I can use all the positive reinforcement I can get!

*If you'd like to read a little more about how I got where I'm at...and see some pictures of me along the way check out the guest post I did for Divya at Eat Teach Blog.*